Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Game 1: After Fall 1901

I am in deep hashish.

The evil, vile, infidel mohammaden has thrust at me, and I guessed wrong in a big way.

My moves, as you recall, were:

F Sev - Bla
A Ukr - War
A StP - Nwy
F Bot - Swe

Well, here's the good news. I got Sweden.

The bad news?

Turkey did:
F Ank - Con
A Arm - Sev
A Bul S A Gal - Rum

The Turko-Austrian alliance is now very apparent.

The fallout? I lose Sev, will lose Bla in the Spring (anyone thinking Turkey will not put a fleet in Ank is kidding themselves), and don't get any new builds. Turkey and Austria both get two builds (see left).

And I am out of this game inside another two years.

I hate to admit it, because I have a very big ego, but those two bastards played me like a fish.

Well, there is little I can do right now. Neither Italy nor Germany are in any position (nor likely have any desire) to help.

The salt for rubbing? Turkey then sends a message to taunt.

Bad form, Turkey, bad form.

Ook ook

Game 1: Fall 1901 Orders (Addendum)

So, get this --

Evidently England is asleep at the wheel, and his orders are late. Of course, it is only at this point that Austria contacts me, and is now trying to be the voice of reason between me and Turkey.

He tells me that Turkey is determined to attack me (no kidding?), but that he is working over time to convince the Sultan to ease off that throttle.

I doubt he'll have any luck. As I see it, Turkey will do F Ank - Bla, A Arm - Sev. Since I am doing F Sev - Bla, the bounce keeps me in place and him out of both ... for now.

Anyway, I still haven't heard from Italy. I need to partner with them in a big way, and soon.

Ugh. Where the hell is that tequila?

Monday, March 06, 2006

Game 1: Fall 1901 Orders

So, my orders are due, and I haven't heard a peep from Turkey or Austria. Those treacherous swine are no doubt working together to ensure my downfall.

Fine ... I think I may have a surprise for those bastards.

My moves are:
F Sev - Bla
A Ukr - War
A StP - Nwy
F Bot - Swe

As I see it, I should gain Sweden with little problem. Norway is a toss-up depending on how big a threat the Brits consider the Germans. The south could either be a grand slam, or a mug's game.

If I go aggro, by changing Sev - Bla & Ukr - War to Sev - Rum, Ukr - Sev, I may gain Rum and bounce Arm from Sev. If (and, it's a big goddamn if) Austria fears Italy and doesn't move Gal into War, and if they also choose to protect themselves from Italy, then I keep Ukr by the skin of my teeth. The worst case scenario if I go balls out has Gal - War, Ser and/or Bul - Rum, Nth - Nwy, Den - Swe, Arm - Sev, and Ank - Bla. The result? I lose War, get bounced in Swe, bounced in Nwy, and bounced in Rum. I lose not only a vital SC, but also give Turkey an insurmountable advantage in Bla, and all but concede loss to the T-A Alliance.

The bitch is that I don't know what Italy is thinking, and I haven't gotten any further chatter from Turkey or Austria. I'm sitting alone here!

It's a tightrope, Spud - a tightrope.

My choice is to stay safe for now ... a major blunder (such as not gaining a single SC while losing War) basically all but finishes me off. Better to gamble with territory taken from others than with my own.

So, the orders once again are:

F Sev - Bla
A Ukr - War
A StP - Nwy
F Bot - Swe

Ook ook

Game 1: After Spring 1901

Okay, the Turk is proving to be quite a pain in the ass.

His belligerence is amazing. He is now demanding I cede Bla, and allow him to take Rum at his leisure in 1902, while I continue to accommodate his army in Arm. Oh, I suppose I should clean the path to Mos as well, eh?

I am trying to be very reasonable with this lout, but it is going nowhere. My suggestion was that he move his sorry infidel ass out of Arm, that we keep Bla nice and open, and that we divide the Balkans (at least initially) along the traditional lines of Ser to Austria, Bul to Turkey, and Rum to Russia.

But the filthy swine is having none of it.

So, I turn to Austria for help (what would you do?) I tell him that we need to deal with the Ottoman scourge as fast as possible, otherwise he will continue to be a thorn in our side until he brings us down at the expense of one of the other powers. Initially, Austria wanted me to allow him free passage from Gal into Rum for Fall ’01. He and the Turk put me in a position where I hardly could refuse, or at least, could hardly manage to stop him. Arm could freeze Sev, and Ukr would not be able to stop Gal – Rum if Ser was to support. So what could I do? I acquiesced, because I would rather have Austria on my good side for now to help me fight Turkey.

Also, I am working an alliance with Italy, with whom I hope to put the squeeze on Austria in a year or so.

But that still leaves some problems. Austria is unsure of whether to use Gal to take Rum, War, or protect Vie. My offer was that he should use Gal to defend Vie for now, and put the build he gains from Ven into Bud. In the mean time, I would move Sev – Rum, and Ukr – Sev, bouncing Turkey’s bid from Arm. The down side is that gives Turkey Bla outright, and causes grief to Sev, but the upside is I get presence in Rum, and can work with Austria to dislodge Bul.

Of course, I could get stined if Arm does not move into Sev, as then I would lose a build area there. Still, at least I don’t concede the south completely.

I am waiting to hear from Italy, Austria, and Turkey.

My situation in the North is much nicer. Germany is conceding Swe (because of pressure against Mun by Italy via Tyr, and France from Bur), and I may even manage to get StP into Nwy. Those would both be important moves for me, as it would give me two builds, and could offset the loss of War, should Austria look that way.

I haven’t had communication with either France or England at all yet. I feel my move toward Nwy may change that.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Game 1: Spring 1901

So, I am involved in this online game of Diplomacy, where I am Russia. I don’t much fancy being Russsia, but it is an easier nut to crack than Italy. The match just started, and the Spring 1901 orders have just been processed. Prior to issuing the orders, I made it a point to communicate with Turkey, Austria, and Germany with the explicit purpose of avoiding out-of-the-box hostilities.

Cause, you know, the Monkey is a talker.

Besides, drawing swords with the opening orders is never a good idea. It usually results in all involved being bloodied and the eventual survivor(s) being succeptible to assault from beyond.

Anyway, I send my messages stating my desire to keep things at a low simmer to all three. Germany not only agrees to my idea of keeping Sil and Pru open territories, but also begins discussion on the partitioning of Scandinavia, along with developing preliminary strategies with an eye toward future dealings with the British. The idea, is that he gets Swe, I take Nwy, and we use control of the north as a wedge to tip the Brits.

Turkey is a whole different set of kebabs. Our opening talks were quite cordial, with agreements on the obvious mutual advantage of keeping Arm open. We butted heads slightly over Bla, but for the most part recognized that open borders makes good neighbors. We have nothing approaching any sort of alliance – but at least an uneasy understanding. As a people, Turks may be boorish, ignorant, and malodorous, but they aren’t stupid.


The Austrians were different (as Austrians are wont to be). In our initial conversations, I implored Austria to keep Gal unfortified, but he was intransigent, insisting that moving his army from Vie was a necessary
defensive move. My promises of goodwill notwithstanding. I reply that such a move could only be considered aggressive, as Gal threatens War and (indirectly) Mos and Sev, but the inbred-Habsburg doofus is playing the immovable object, requiring me to be an irresistible force.

Needless to say, the Austrian thing has me miffed. I contact Italy and Turkey to see if they’ve had similar discussions with this joker, asking specifically if he’s been throwing ultimatums around to everyone? I also proceed to open the idea that Turkey, Italy and I form a loose association to contain this rogue. The response from Italy is very positive … despite their obvious racial handicap, they can see that Austria is a problem. Turkey, however, is equivocal. The infidel tries to retain the inscrutability of the orient, but I read him like a cheap book: this two-bit thug is hooked in with the Austrian swine.

The Spring 1902 orders are submitted and processed, and the depth of the Turko-Austrian deceit is clear. Not only does Austria move Vie – Gal, but also Tri – Ven, striking directly at the Italians! Turkey, not to be out-done, moves Ank – Bla and, scumbag that he is, Smy – Arm. Ho ho! Keep Armenia open, eh, Johhny Turk?

And, to add insult, immediately after the orders are processed, Austria contacts me demanding that I cede Rum to him! The depth of arrogance in this swaggering tin-plated pretzel eater is astounding.

My choice is clear. I must declare complete and open war against the low-life scum of Austria and Turkey. Italy and I will work together to avenge this open savagery, and extract ransom in the form of freshly roasted Turkey, served with Austrian Ale.


I’ll see you in Hell, you filthy bastards!

Ook ook.